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Beneath the surface, the tides toss and turn
Beneath the surface, the current pulls you in
Beneath the surface, gravity resists your resistance
Beneath the surface the temperature drops, demobilising
Beneath the the surface
It’s a struggle
Not to thrive
But to survive
Or so it seems
Because your roots go down
An anchor
Breaking through
The very things that thought they could break you
Holding you steady
Strengthening you
The reality is
You go down to go up
Pushing, pushing, pushing
So you can pull through
It’s not a prison where you are planted
The sun beckons to you
First, a distant hope
Till the first shoot sprouts through
Above the surface you’re fresh
You’re beautiful
Because
From beneath the surface,
You grew.

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It’s just over a week into 2016 and I wish you a happy new year. I don’t know how 2015 was for you. If was a good one, we can trust this year will be better. If it wasn’t a good one, we can trust that we learnt and survived to see what will be a beautiful new year. In any case, if you’re reading this, you’re obviously alive. That in itself is a lot to be thankful for.

With new years come new mantras and resolutions and other “new year, new me” hogwash (no, I haven’t changed one bit) which usually last for all but a few weeks at best, but who am I to state the obvious?

Do I have a new year’s resolution? Yes and no. Yes, because I’m determined that this is a selfish year for me. No, because it’s more of a change of mindset than a change of my lifestyle. I wouldn’t call this so much a resolution as I will my theme for the year.

So this year, I will be the focus of my life.

My path

My self

My God

My personal truth

My dreams

My fears

My desires

My life’s goal not to be useless, a failure and nobody in life and ultimately waste the colossal investment my parents made in school fees. That would be tragic.

This will spill over to issues with my relationships – with God, myself and others; my purpose – my career, business and impact; my development – health, mind, brand and habits; my priorities – hobbies, leisure, talents.

I will be 26 this year and I believe there is no better time than now to set the pace for my life. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve lived in a reactive, trance-like subconsciousness till now. It’s time to live. New year, same me … But different. xoxo, Temiloluwa.

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 550 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 9 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Have you ever driven in the dark? Like absolute pitch dark? No streetlights, no other cars on the road, just you and a stretch of darkness.

Anxiety comes when you try to see beyond the headlamps. Guess what? It’s not possible (not in this context) and frankly it’s not your business. All you need to do is keep moving, guided by the path of the headlamps inch by inch, metre by metre, yard by yard. Just keep moving and you’ll get just enough light to make some form of progress.

At some point, one of these things will happen. One, the streetlights will come on. We can imagine them to be guardian angels who be terrestrial or actual celestial angels. Two, the day will break and it will be a clear lit path as far as the eye can see. But then, there is three. Your headlamps could lead you to your destination, while still surrounded by darkness. All you would have done was keep moving, and that, I believe; is the most beautiful end to your journey.

Of course, other things could happen like your engine knocking or tumbling into a valley sized pothole or travelling in the wrong direction and getting accosted by bandits but this is not one of THOSE stories, lol. Just kidding. xoxo, Temiloluwa

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2015 (was) the year of the journey. A lot of what I learnt this year was ties into moving, growing, making progress, overcoming obstacles, etc and it all pointed towards the fact that life is a journey. I am not supposed to EVER lose sight of that.

One of the more specific lessons I learnt this year is moving on. It’s something that I’ve literally had to deal with all my life. Moving on from locations, people, memories, possessions … Just moving on. Well, guess what. I hated it. Absolutely hated it. I still do but that was what this year was about. Learning to move on … And being at peace with it.

Over the years, the trauma I felt having had to let go and move on more often than I cared to made me very … Clingy. I forged unhealthy emotional ties that made me co-dependent or completely dependent. I hinged my happiness and self-worth on external factors and people. I tolerated a lot and settled a lot. I lowered my standards and was afraid to ask for more. I forgot to communicate clearly and respectfully what I wanted and didn’t want. I held on to toxic relationships. I did not set boundaries and when I did,I didn’t honour them. I had become a toxic person with a lot of resentment and latent anger issues. I would close some doors and run back to open them when I clearly had no business doing so.

I had to learn to let go. After 25 years of carrying over this life test, it became an all or nothing matter. God and life had to teach me the hard way so I would learn.

Now I get it. Life is a journey. It’s transient so there’s no point in holding on too tightly to anything. Or anyone. When you do that, you become stagnant. Whether it’s a good or a bad thing, it’s so easy to become stuck on stupid when you hold on to what you’re meant to let go of.

Let go and move on cause life’s goin’ move with or without you.

I’ve heard it said that twenty friends won’t stay friends for 20 years. That’s more than a fact. It’s the truth.

Moving on … Lol. Remember the jukebox in my head? It inspired this post with a song from out of the blue.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
Out here in the cold, thin air; I finally can breathe
I know I left a life behind but I’m too relieved to grieve …
~ “Frozen” Demi Lovato

I am finding that moving on empowers you to reach for something better, newer, fresher, different. Something that is just another experience during your journey, and not a destination in itself. xoxo, Temiloluwa

Simpler Times

This world, or rather, this generation is not for lazy people. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m convinced that living in today’s world requires EFFORT. More effort than I care to exert.

*side eye* I’m NOT lazy. Not! I just happen to believe in being efficient in exerting physical effort. I digress.

Have you ever thought of how many things you’re supposed to do? Or be? As a young woman for example, you are told that you’re supposed to be:
1. A great cook
2. Devout
3. A tireless homemaker
4. Sociable and hospitable
5. Sexy but not slutty (that’s relative sha)
6. Enlightened in politics, entertainment, financial and global events
7. Intelligent enough to impress but not intimidate
8. Successful professional and/or entrepreneur
9. Financially stable (preferably independent)
10. Impeccably dressed (completely with your war paint, tailored designer outfits, overpriced shoes, animal skin bags)
11. Articulate
12. Fun
13. Able to fast and pray
14. Fond of children
15. Able to pound yam and cook continental dishes you’re not sure you’re pronouncing well
16. Well travelled
17. Popular and current on social media
18. Able to have a bast wardrobe where you hardly wear the same item twice
19. able to tie gele!!! I mean, really???

I wish I was born in a simpler time. When all I had to do was thread my hair and wear wrapper on the way to the stream … or something. What could have been the greatest challenge then, save balancing firewood? Or does that compare to trying to get your eyebrows “on fleek” while driving to a meeting you may be late for because there was traffic?

I long for the time when my only challenges were stealing attention or blended crayfish (don’t ask) and trying to keep up with the subtitles to my sing-along videos. Those were the days …

*typed from my old mobile phone while charging my new phone and reviewing a presentation on my tab*

#SimplerTimes

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There’s a way Nigerians term success, we say one has “arrived”. I guess we see it is a destination or port of berth where one gets to when he or she has a job in Oil and Gas, drives a Range, lives in Ikoyi and can afford holidays”abroad” at least once a year. This, in summary is the “Nigerian Dream”.

I’m vaguely aware of the American dream. Also I’m sure each generation has its own spin on it. I’m not sure a house with a white picket fence and a dog quite cut it anymore. Other countries, I assume, have the cultural notion of what it means to have “arrived”.

There’s also personal measures of success. For some success is measured by job description or professional rank. Others view success in terms of net worth, assets and liquidity, some; network, visibility, blah, blah. I’m sure you get the picture.

There’s also the “bae goals” clan but I may go off on a tangent if I get into that. You may suspect I have strong opinions about them. I do. And no, I’m not bitter. Anyways, moving on 😄…

I’ve had the time to evaluate what MY measure of success is. Before I go into that, I’ll give you a background into the kind of person I am.

Dreamer
Control-freak
Bossy
Impatient
Goal-Oriented
Easily bored
Impossible standards
Critical
Perfectionist
Likes options/hates being boxed in
Free-spirit

Do I like money? Yes. Especially the spending part. But! It is not my measure if success. I see too many people who are slaves to their money.

Do I like power? YES!!! I’m controlling and I love being in control especially when it gives me a stake in the outcome of any work that has my name attached to it. I like power, not just for the sake of it but because of what it commands – respect, results, productivity, options, opportunities. But! Power is a drug. An all-consuming drug. I have no plans to be a junkie.

Do I like a power-network? Yes, I am learning your contact list may be more helpful to you than your account balance. The exposure and opportunities that the right network gives you removes a lot of limitations. There are no buts. The only issue is the butt-kissing and the cliquishness that comes with networking. I’m not a social climber and I don’t buy into cliques. I’m a free spirit and prefer not to be boxed in.

So, what is my definition of success? It is the power to control my time and the satisfaction I derive from what I do. I enjoy calling the shots in my own life as opposed to being subject to the moods and politiking of others. I also enjoy being satisfied with my work as opposed to dreading facing it.

I went into a LOT of detail in this post so you could identify the process I took to learning my personal measure of success. It stemmed from my knowledge of who I am at this point on time and what I’ve observed about myself in relation to my society/environment. Of course, this measure is subject to change. We are all evolving.

In any case, as you journey to whatever you see as success, I wish you well until you arrive 😉 xoxo, Temiloluwa

Echoes From The Past

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I ran again
Out the house
Half-eaten breakfast in my mouth
Oh I’m so late
As usual
To meet my deadline in an hour
Traffic here
Traffic there
Goodness! Traffic everywhere
Can hardly breathe
I cannot think
Frankly, could use 40 more winks
I’m in a rush
I’m in a haste
Oh my goodness,40 minutes late!
Meeting at 10
Briefing at 12
Lunch at 1
Where’s the time gone?
It’s 5pm
And when my pen
Checks my itinerary
I’m just on item 10
And then I pause
“Is this a life?”
When I steal a moment to think twice
I need to chill
I need to breathe
I’m hungry,to eat
And enjoy the breeze
No rush, no haste
No running late
I need a life I don’t hate
So I whip out my pen
To a fresh start
Again
To plan
To breathe
To chill
To think
And best of all …
To choose the life I want to lead

A poor life this if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare

– Leisure (W. H. Davies)

#WhyIWrite

I like to write about love. It is an emotion I feel intensely. Like anger or irritation or amusement.

I  believe it is more than just a feeling. It is a thread that is enmeshed with so many areas of our life – our family, friends, hobbies, desires.

I believe it is a life force.

Love informs our preferences and dislikes, our habits and temperaments, our culture or eqy of life.

Love is why I write.

Love comes as naturally as breathing or snapping at someone who is working my nerves.

It comes as naturally as my desire to park off Agege Motor Road to haggle for those ‘good looking’ yams.

It comes as naturally as lyrics of Disney songs to my mind.

And writing comes as naturally as love.

Because I breathe
Because I feel
Because sometimes I can’t speak
The thoughts
My heart conjures
So they flow as ink into my pen

This, is #WhyIWrite.