Every now and then, I reflect on my life. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. I’m also stunned by how much I have to change and how I find myself repeating patterns I know I should have gotten rid of by now. On some days, I’m happy with myself. On some days, I’m impatient. On other days, I’m downright angry and frustrated because I’m sure I can do better and be better … and it just doesn’t seem to be happening fast enough. Deep down, I guess I want to be perfect. I want to make up for past mistakes and prove a point. I want to be infallible.
My mind tells me that’s not possible. Doesn’t stop my heart from wanting it still. Just like that person you want but know isn’t good for you.
Do you ever feel like that?
I sometimes read back and get feedback on the blog. Being that it’s a diary of sorts, a myriad of information is on here. A lot of it is embarrassing. Lmao. There’s been a bit of pressure to take down some posts but I have decided not to. The purpose of this blog is to show a humanness that people can relate with. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Immaturity, naïveté and downright foolishness is a rite of passage. Besides, I’m not this open in person so this is an outlet of sorts.
In retrospect, I’m amazed how I have changed and evolved in this period. My views on life, love and people have gone different cycles. I have shifted from views I previously held. I have also gone back to holding others. I’ve redefined quite a few because I am not who I was.
Thankfully, I’m also not who I will be. It’s a process
I hope to get to that point where I’m content in who I am. Not complacent, just accepting. And I will grow.
Temi, Published. 